I don’t think me and alcohol could ever become friends, not even if cookies were involved. I just cannot allow myself to stomach the aftertaste because for some strange reason it reminds me too much of nail polish fumes. Don’t ask. With that being said, I know some of you out there have had many un-fun experiences with drinking alcohol, and so have I.
So to let you know that you’re not alone in this fight against the dreaded drink, let’s have one big pow-wow session and talk about the many problems people who don’t drink alcohol experience all too often. My fellow non-alcoholic drinkers, unite!
1. Choosing the alcohol
The only thing that can ruin my confidence at Meijer is going down the liquor aisle. Any of my friends could tell you right away that choosing alcohol is a foreign concept to me. Seriously though, what’s wrong with Smirnoff Ice? Tell me, who doesn’t love that Blueberry Lemonade? Nobody, that’s who!
2. Having to take that first sip
When my twenty-first finally came around, all of my preconceived fears about actually drinking alcohol had finally manifested. Upon first sip, my Apple Martini didn’t taste so bad. That was until I felt the strange and unwelcoming burning sensation in my chest that no one told me about. I thought I’d been poisoned. So let’s just say, I didn’t leave a tip.
3. Understanding the meaning of the word “drink”
Have any of you out there ever just wanted a sip of something that wasn’t necessarily alcoholic but still felt the need to use the phrase: I need a drink? I still do this around friends and every single time it’s like, to the bar we go! “No really guys, I just wanted iced tea!”
4. Ordering alcohol
I’ve grown far more confident in my tastes as of yet, but back then I had absolutely no idea what I was thinking ordering that Peach Bellini Martini. Maybe me and martinis don’t get along. But those names on the menu can be so misleading sometimes, can they not? I mean, it all sounds so delicious until you discover how much of a lightweight you are. So if you know you’re meeting up with friends at Bdubs later on, be sure to order that virgin mojito when no one’s looking.
5. Waking up Saturday morning
While I’d hope it never ever gets to this point, chances are if you were bar-hopping the night before you’re most likely going to be spending your Saturday in bed. We’ve all heard about what can happen the morning after a wild night out, and while you’re hoping to pacify that nauseating headache with bread and sleep, you’ll think twice before laying your lips on another shot glass.
6. Playing drinking games
Needless to say, I hate the idea of drinking games. Namely because I always lose, which means I have to drink, which ultimately means I have to suffer sip after burning sip. It all started with a dull watching of Sharknado that immediately went south when my roommate cracked out Cards Against Humanity. What I considered a fun game at first immediately became my most-hated once alcohol got involved. Can we please just play Scrabble? Please.
Photo credit: adapted from freddie boy | Flickr