How NOT to Potty Train Your Child

So you want to potty train your toddler, or you’re pondering if you and your toddler are ready for potty training. If you have to think really hard about it, you’re probably not ready, but I’m no expert!  Read this true story below.  Maybe you’ll change your mind!

You have a long weekend or holiday approaching you think to yourself, “my child seems ready to ditch the diapers, let me start potty training”.  Here is a short guide on how NOT to potty train your toddler.

1. Decide to potty train your toddler during a long weekend or holiday.  If you can’t be with your extended family for your dose of holiday drama, why not potty train your kid, that’s sure to cause some family drama!

2. Secure all the necessary supplies, which in my case were treats,  a healthy dose of paper towels, a kitchen timer and disinfectant.

3. Greet toddler at the bedroom door to kick off potty training.

4. Give your toddler a pep talk, explain how the day will go and get the treats ready! After all your child is a whiz and will pick right up on potty training!!

5. Sit with potty trainer and read books, cheer on her effort, and check the clock to watch time slip away.

6. Watch twenty minutes go by and urine stream onto your couch.

7. Check potty trainer’s whereabouts and trace her steps back for any wet spots.

8. Clean up pee.

9. Smarten up and bring child to the potty more frequently. Set a timer to help you to remember!

10. Scare the pee, literally, out of your potty trainer with an obnoxious kitchen timer. Ooops, clean up pee, again.

11. Remedy the timer situation.

12. Continue to check for wet spots as your potty trainer moves about freely with no pee or poop catching apparatus.

13. Argue with your loved one about potty training on their “vacation”.

14. After spending most of the day will no successes and a lot of frustrations re-evaluate the potty training situation.

15. Treat everyone involved with some ice cream and call it quits.  Potty training can wait for another time.

The trenches of parenthood can be lonely and often times gross! Don’t get discouraged, share your story and laugh with the rest of us. Because I always say if I can’t laugh about it I’ll cry and I ain’t got no time for that!

Photo credit: adapted from eren {sea+prairie} | Flickr

Do you have any funny stories about potty training failures? Share in the comments!

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Lindsey Williams

Lindsey Williams is a former elementary and special education teacher turned stay at home mom with a writing job on the side. She’s a native Bostonian married to a southerner raising a family of blondes in the Queen City. Lindsey wants to do it all and believes she can with some coffee and a color-coded to-do list.

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