There are butterflies in your stomach when he looks into your eyes and everyone says you two are a picture perfect couple. If you look a little closer though, your relationship could be giving you subtle signs that maybe your picture perfect pairing is not so perfect after all.
These red flags that your relationship is not the best match-up are not always as obvious to you as they are to others. Your feelings are intertwined with the butterflies you feel and the thought of being alone may not sound all that appealing either. We say, stop selling yourself short and if you’re seeing any relationship red flags – you need to re-evaluate whether your relationship is really working or not. To help you clearly see the red flag’s you may be missing, we’ve rounded up 7 warning signs in your relationship that you should stop ignoring now.
Does she jump every time her phone makes a noise and covers her phone from your eyes or does he change the subject when you ask him about his past relationships? These are big red flags that there is way too much secrecy going on between the two of you. Licensed marriage and family therapist, Laurel Wiers says that “secrecy should not be confused with privacy. Some level of “space” and autonomy is expected, it's the defensive refusals to share information that should raise red flags”. If you’re seeing the panic in their eyes when you want to talk – that’s too much secrecy.
Have you ever left a party feeling more drained than if you had just danced for two hours straight? Typically, that party fatigue is all thanks to that one person you were stuck talking to that just made you feel totally bad about yourself. That’s not a feeling your romantic partner should ever leave you with – so if you feel that way often at the end of a date – watch out. Advice columnist, Abigail Mason, says that “if you continually feel worse about yourself after interacting with your love interest, you shouldn't ignore the warning sign. Often times in relationships we make excuses for behavior that makes us feel bad – we give them the benefit of the doubt because we so badly want it to work out.”
Relationship expert April Masini from AskApril.com says that if you’re only hearing from your guys on the weekend – that’s a bright red flag. “Guys who schedule you in — during the week, only — and never call, text or see you on weekends, invariably have something else going on the weekends that they don’t want you to know about”, April says. If they were really interested in a real, grownup relationship, they’re going to want to see you whenever they can – not just when it’s most convenient to them.
Being in a relationship often means having to compromise and be fair when it comes to what the other person needs – balancing that with your own needs. We can’t expect to get our way all the time and if your partner wants to go to a movie while you’d prefer to just stay at home – they should never make you feel guilty for saying “no”. Alisa Ruby Bash, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Beverly Hills, California, says, “When someone gets angry or makes you feel guilty about saying ‘no’ to something they want you to do, this is often one of the early warning signs that someone may be verbally or emotionally abusive.”
Shamia Casiano, relationship and dating consultant, says the way your partner treats others can be a big indication of their overall character – and if they’re constantly refusing to tip wait staff or talking down to service workers, that’s a relationship red flag. “This is a warning sign because the test of someone’s character is not in how they treat their equals, but how they treat people who can do nothing for them. If the person you're with does not see the need to tip, he may be lacking empathy in other areas as well,” says Casiano.
We understand that everyone has a past and your partner may come with their own set of baggage from past relationship and that’s totally okay. If your partner is always bashing their exes and blaming their baggage completely on their ex – chances are their conflict is saying a lot more about them as well. Clinical sexologist and relationship coach, Claudia Six, PhD says, “If someone is on hostile terms with exes it means they have poor conflict resolution skills, and they leave a trail of messy endings behind.”
There is a certain cuteness to your partner wanting to spend time with you, but when that cuteness turns into a warning sign – you have to stop ignoring when he takes the clinginess and controlling too far. If your partner seems a little more on the clingy side, which relationship expert and author of “He Did You a Favor” Debra Rogers characterizes as a person who “encourages you to ditch your friends, or he texts you ten times a day asking, ‘where r u?’ or, ‘what are you doing?’”, that’s a pretty clear indication his jealous and controlling ways is not something you should ignore any longer.
Photo credit: adapted from ginnerobot | Flickr